Kristina's Journey: "Your Ego Isn't the Enemy"

The Consciously Open diaries with Kristina Todorova, Founder, The Co-created Hub 

Your Ego isn't the enemy - I often say this to myself when I feel triggered and unhappy with the way I've handled the trigger.

I have been thinking of what to write about in my personal blog series as there have been quite a few "aha moments" and realisations since I last released an article in this series. I sat in front of my laptop this morning and I was torn between two topics: the topic of integrating our Ego and not seeing it as a negative aspect of Self and the topic of sensuality and its expression in Women. 

I chose to write about Women's sensuality on Instagram to start a conversation and share my current thoughts (you can read the post here) and I decided to write about Ego integration on the blog. 

The Ego 

The ego - the "I" aspect of Self or, in other words, the physical identity through which you navigate life and develop a sense of self. 

Before embarking on my spiritual journey more consciously, I used to navigate life solely from the perspective of my Ego self. This used to look like this:

- I felt I always had to "win" (being number one at work, getting the highest bonus in my corporate career, being an over-achiever and better than others performance-wise). I took pride in being the "winner" and my sense of self-worth was deeply connected to being "better than" and achieving my goals.

- I used to look at others as inferior and superior. Whilst this was, back then - mostly unconscious, I would catch myself comparing myself with other people and feeling the urge to be "better" as per certain standards I was setting for myself and them. In an argument with an ex-romantic partner of mine, he told me "I had a delusion of grandeur". He was right. In certain situations, when I felt triggered and rejected, my Ego defence mechanism would activate and, to protect my sense of self-worth, I would speak and act in a way that was intended to show the other person I was "better". I simply had to win.

During my first more significant "rock bottom" moment where I had to move back in with my parents in Bulgaria, find a way not to file for bankruptcy, as my coaching business was not generating any revenue, and heal from a long-term relationship that had just ended, I started to explore my energetic side - the aspect of Self beyond the physical identity.

This was the beginning of realising that the physical self - with its beliefs, necessities, dreams and aspirations, is just A part of the more expansive Self which comprises the physical and non-physical identity - the Higher Self (our consciousness). 

Fast forward to today - almost four years later, and a few incidents which occurred in the last two weeks where I snapped at a stranger who attacked me verbally (without prior provocation on my side) and, subsequently, triggered my Ego self, I was brought back to the same Me from four years ago. This time, however, I was aware I was responding with the same energy I was receiving from them.  My initial reaction was: "Well done you, he was looking for it." and my second reaction was: "You shouldn't treat people this way, you should know better".  So here's what I learnt from these experiences. 

The learning 

Reflecting on these incidents and consulting with my Higher Self and spirit guides, through a facilitated session with a Spiritual mentor and an Akashic Records expert, I was reminded how important it is to accept that certain expressions of our physical identity (snapping at people, for example) are an inevitable part of our learning journey and our Ego self exists in its singular form for a reason - to protect us and help us navigate life as human beings. Contrary to the self-judgement I was facing thinking "I should not have snapped at this person", I was reminded that certain situations serve as a lesson not only for us but for the other person too. And yes, I could have used different language and if I could turn back time, I would phrase certain things differently but, again - I would not change the firm energy with which I responded when I was being verbally attacked.

Way too often, when we embark on a spiritual path we judge the Ego. We are even told we should "drop it". I no longer align with such beliefs. How can you "drop" your physical identity? I believe we should learn to look at our Ego from the position of our Higher Self and become an observer of its expressions not from a place of judgment but from a place of curiosity and desire to learn and choose our future reactions and responses more consciously. 

The Ego is just a part of the Self, but it certainly isn't the enemy but an instrument through which you experience your reality and build and live your life. The real enemy is the lack of awareness and conscious choice of who and what you choose to become as your Ego (physical identity) self and why.

A few questions you can reflect on:

1. In what situations do you feel your Ego has taken over negatively (based on your individual beliefs about right/ wrong behaviour) and what did you learn from them? How can you handle these situations differently moving forward?

2. In what situations do you feel your Ego has taken over positively and what did you learn about yourself as a consequence of this experience?

3. Who and what do you choose to become as a person? 

4. If you were the Creator (Source), how would you create yourself? What qualities would you give yourself? Why are these qualities important to you? How can you begin to develop them?

You are always learning and you are always becoming. And, if you aren't fulfilled by and proud of the version of You you are becoming, your Ego self is yours to mould. Mould it consciously, with less judgement and more self-love and remember - it is only a part of who you truly are.